Mr. X and Yashwant Mishra, sharing a room in Lal Bahadur Shastri National Academy of Administration (LBSNAA), became friendly very quickly. There were a few common threads that helped the bonding. They hailed from the same state and joined the same service through different career paths though, and they both got allotted to a state different from their home state.
Dissimilarities in their background are striking. Mr. X belongs to the reserved category and had humble schooling. While working as a railway clerk by dint of hard work and devotion he made it to the IAS. Mr. Mishra belonged to a rich family and had schooling in Doon School. He was focused right from school and easily walked into the LBSNAA after graduating from a well known college of Delhi.
These dissimilarities, did not come in way of their friendship. Mr. X was married at the time he joined the IAS. His wife Bhanumati joined Mr. X in the district posting as a probationary officer.
Even Bhanumati was like her husband very affectionate to this ‘young hero’ from native state. On holidays Mishra would sometimes go to X’s place of posting to enjoy meals and chitchat.
It was two and half years into the IAS, when Mr. Mishra married Sujata onetime beauty queen of his home state. She too was from an affluent background.
A few months into her new life, Sujata to the discomfort of Yashwant, showed early signs that his spouse’s friendship with X’s family did not mean much – if not an aberration. Initially she would join, Yashwant going to X’s place, but her comments indirectly would, focus on her father’s and in-laws’ superior status. Once she even speculated that Yashwant will be the CS of the state if not the Cabinet Secretary to GOI.
Yashwant neverrelishedthissenselesschatteringbut remainedsilent as he didnot want to bring discord in his family. To his utter dismay he slowly discovered that Mr. X’s family was cooling off towards them. They would not invite Yashwant as frequently as before. Recently during the Holy festival, when Yashwant invited X with family, Mr. X gave an excuse of their school going son needing some attention. Yashwant is wondering how to bring back the same old warmth and cordiality in this friendship tie.
What do you think is the root cause of the problem?
1. X and his wife may have started feeling jealous of Yashwant and Sujata.
2. Depending on paths of life of individuals diverge and this may lead to loss of ardour of friendship.
3. Modern work situations are characterised by intense competition and rat race among colleagues.
4. The problem appears to have started from Sujatha’s arrogant behaviour and Yashwant should tell her to show modesty in her dealings with others.
The answer choice (1) does not seem to be the case. X and his wife have been behaving in a friendly manner with Yashwant for quite a while. They have been affectionate towards Yashwant.
As for the second answer choice, it is true that friends can lose contact if they move away to different places due to professional and other reasons. Separation in terms of distance and time can lead to loss of friendship. But in this case, the friends have been in close proximity.
As mentioned in the third answer choice, sometimes, the desire to forge ahead of others in professional life creates rivalries. When rivalry develops between people, they cannot share genuine friendship. But at this stage of career, the two friends are not in a competitive situation.
The problem has been triggered most probably by the ego of Mrs. Mishra. This egoistic feeling has come about because she is pretty and has a ‘star spouse’ who has the great advantage of joining the service at a young age. Expression of this ego and pride must have surfaced in conversation and behaviour with Mr. X’s family. That must be making them conscious about the difference in their endowments – mostly by birth. If individuals feel that they have different goals and have unequal ‘status’ in life, general reaction is one of avoidance. Avoidance is one way to express feeling of inadequacy or inferiority. This probably is the reason why X’s family is cooling off towards Mishras.
Yashwant and Sujata must behave normally with X. Any talk about money, career and beauty of women should be strictly avoided. Discussion may focus on some activities they enjoyed together so that good memories are refreshed. It is not late yet but Yashwant must make some special efforts to restore the earlier level of friendship.