“One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
—Plato’s Socrates
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” —Mark Twain “He who isdevoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love.” —Martin Luther fting, Jr
“Toforgive all is as inhuman as to forgive none”. —Seneca “Toforgive is human, to forget divine...” —JamesGrand “Let us forgive each other-only then will we live in peace”. —Tolstoy
‘Forgiveness’ means pardoning of an offence, wrongdoing, or obligation. The victim of the
wrongdoing pardons the wrong doer. The phrase ‘forgive and forget’ sums up the idea. Forgiveness may extend to groups when the wronged group excuses the other. In recent times, governments have begun a practice of setting up commissions to establish truth and bring about reconciliation between perpetrators and victims of historical wrongs.
The benefits of forgiveness are the following:
¤ Continuing personal relationships.
¤ Getting rid of persistent negative emotions which could harm the wronged individual.
¤ Helping wrongdoers by releasing them from blame and hostility, and by enabling them to turn a new leaf.
Forgiveness involves the re-establishment or resumption of a relationship ruptured by wrongdoing. By forgiving, the victim gives up resentment or anger against the offender. The wrongdoer atones for his wrongs and seeks forgiveness.
However, Aristotle, Kant and Hume have pointed that forgiveness can be misdirected, and reflect an individual’s weakness of character. Thus a woman in an abusive ‘relationship’ may go on forgiving the wrongdoer for no good reason. The repentance or apology of the wrongdoer may be pretence with no contrition. Here, forgiveness colludes with wrongdoing. Therefore, forgiveness has to be based on morally valid reasons. The wrong should be excusable and the wrongdoer should display guilt or remorse.
A tendency to too readily forgive may reflect lack of self-respect, or servility which is a vice. Aristotle mentions that any person who lacks appropriate anger is “unlikely to defend himself” and “endure being insulted” and is for this reason a “fool”. Kant also says that a person who fails to become angry at injustices done to him lacks dignity and self-respect. According to Hume as anger and hatred are “inherent in our very frame and constitution”, the lack of such feelings is sometimes evidence of “weakness and imbecility”. This view implies that forgiveness is justified only under certain circumstances.
Forgiveness is a process of getting over resentment which is personal anger caused by an injury or wrong suffered at the hands of another. Resentment is anger that is felt on behalf of one’s own self. Other forms of anger, such as indignation or scorn, may be aroused on behalf of oneself or for the sake of others. Anger may be sudden and instinctive or it may be deliberate and sustained over time. It is a “reactive attitude,” provoked by beliefs about the intentions, attitudes, and actions of others towards us. Resentment involves taking offence, umbrage, or exception to the deeds and intentions of others.
Forgiveness has to be based on moral principles. They help an individual in overcoming resentment that he feels toward a person who has hurt him. The emphasis on moral principles in getting over resentment distinguishes it from other means of overcoming it. One may dissipate resentment by forgetting the wrong which occasioned it. One may also overcome resentment by will power so as to maintain relations with a wrongdoer. But these do not represent genuine forgiveness. Forgiveness involvesovercomingother “retributive emotions” likeindignation,contempt, or hatred. In religious traditions, forgiveness is seen as rooted in moral reasons.
Moral thinkers also discuss the question whether forgiveness should be unconditional or be based on the behaviour of the wrongdoer. It may be stipulated that that the wrongdoer should confess his wrong, apologize, show remorse or regret, or attempt to atone for it, or accept punishment. This type of behaviour from a wrongdoer, many would consider, is necessary for forgiving him. Religious ideas (especially Christian) hold that we should forgive others their wrongs as our own forgiveness by God depends only on it. True Christian compassion, say the Gospels, should extend to all, even to the extent of loving one’s enemies.
The above account of forgiveness sees it as part of an individual’s moral effort. But forgiveness is also linked to an individual’s dispositions or character traits. In the Christian tradition, forgiveness is often aligned to such virtues as love and compassion, which are stable individual dispositions or traits. One is thus enjoined to abjure anger and resentment. In Greek philosophy, it is associated
with magnanimity. Some writers regard forgiveness as a duty or what one ought to do. Other writers consider forgiveness as non-obligatory but desirable.
At times, an individual’s resentment disappears not due to his efforts but just because he forgets about it. As the proverb says, time is a great healer and resentment also dissipates over time. In this mode of overcoming resentment, there is no effort or any examination of moral reasons for forgiving a wrongdoer. One may also note that there are many trivial offences and wrongs which people readily forgive or ignore in the ordinary course of business. Expressions or utterances like “don’t mention it,” or “forget about it,” reflect the fact that injuries may be relatively trivial. In general, we should not take offence quickly for trivial reasons; nor should we bear grudges.
When we are wronged seriously, it is difficult to restrainourresentment or forgivethewrongdoer. Hence, forgiveness is a difficult virtue and involves mental struggle. Forgiveness calls for efforts of will; the victim has to overcome angry emotions caused by having been wronged, and has to refrain from chastising or punishing a wrongdoer. The victim has to let bygones be bygones. Self-control and strength of will are necessary in order to manage our temper and not hold grudges against those who wrong us.